He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
