sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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