So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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