It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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