this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
