The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
