it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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