Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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