i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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