mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
