ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
