You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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