Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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