break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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