what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
