We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
