you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
