he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
