my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize