omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
