I think I died a long time ago.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
