I got chris browned last night
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
