oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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