Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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