your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
