can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I smell like Dick and happiness
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
