discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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