i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
