This girl is more easily done than said...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
