So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
