She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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