Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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