can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
