he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
