Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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