also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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