i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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