hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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