I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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