I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
