Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
