I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
