so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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