But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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