Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
