Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
