Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
