good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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