just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
