I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize