3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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