I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
