____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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