Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
