ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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