Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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