Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
