my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
