Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
