Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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