I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
