fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
