sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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