I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize