i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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