Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
