She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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