I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
