I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everyone says I win the strip club
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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