i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
