DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
