if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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