I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
