so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
