I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
