you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
